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Friday, February 27, 2009

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Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Why I am overwhelmed..

Like a happy ending of a hindi movie.

Like Obama said last night - it's been a long time coming, but I thought it had still longer to go before it did arrive.

Today I am overwhelmed by the will of the people.

I watched two hundred thousand people standing together in a park in Chicago celebrating the winner of the presidential elections - a colored man. It was like a balloon inside me. I am overwhelmed.

There are many things I've thought possible, this wasn't one of them.

People were crying! There was a deluge of tears. It wasn't just the election for a president of a country. It was centuries of hopes and dreams coming to fruition. New ground being broken. New possibilities. New dreams now.

I haven't even started about Obama's policies or how he may make a better president. There are so many facets to it all. But for once I actually dived in and followed the journey.

I'm not American. I can't even vote! (Ofcourse one follows the other!) But it felt just TOO important to not be a part of. It wasn't just a presidential election, it was coming of age of an entire population in more ways than one. People finally dared to dream and believe that they could actually be cogs of the machine that brings about a change - and they did their part. It's like a brilliant scientific experiment - where you mix the right chemicals in correct amounts, follow the protocol, and are just delighted when the promised result pans out right in front of your eyes.

I repeat - I'm not American...

but I think the country just grew up.

The King had a dream, and it has been realized. I could never imagine it would be this soon.

Just 53 years ago a black woman was arrested because she wouldn't stand up to give a white man her seat on a bus. Today a black man was given the highest seat in the country.

Can you FATHOM the idea???

NOT to say that possibilities didn't exist... but were they actually available and real and in the people's minds? Hell NO!

People turned up and said - you know what.. we don't care about color SO MUCH that we'll go out of our way to mess with our country!

That is AWESOME on SO MANY LEVELS!

People CARED about Country!

People wanted to make a DIFFERENCE!

People BELIEVED in their ability to make a change!

People broke THROUGH the barriers of color!!!

Ask a black person what this means to them.

I just feel like so many things are possible! I love this.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Captain Taggart!!!

Oh the golden days of Tagging!!

Well hah!..
with a bit of arm-twisting on Aanchal's part, I am here to fulfill my destiny.
Umm... ok.
heh.

So this is the Tag from her blog thingummijig and here I am opening up a sliver. Oh heck just look at the questions and answers wontcha.

I am: Practically impractical/calm/eroding idealist/cynical about a bunch of things/mathematical/cracking unorthodox.
I think: I need to travel/I Need to climb a mountain/I Need to let loose more.
I know: Today is now. Now is what I have. I shall make a tomorrow.
I want: My belief back.
I have: An idea of what may be right. A willingness to follow it.
I wish: I could teleport!
I hate: Forever promises that can't or won't be kept.
I miss: My family and friends from Delhi!
I fear: Losing a loved one. Making a mistake - even though I keep making them!
I feel: Insecure in clothes with a bad fit!
I hear: the sound of crickets in the night. Ice cubes falling into the ice bucket in my freezer. The hum of the dishwasher. The creaking of the wooden floor. The sound of the wind when it gets trapped between houses. Birds in the morning. My alarm clock clicking just once at 1:30AM each night!
I smell: Curry each time my sister cooks! My feet stink!! COokies baking (again - sister!) Chhole-Chawal made by mum. Jasmine (Chameli) flowers - remind me of when I was a kid. We had a Jasmine tree in the yard which seemed to be in perpetual bloom.
I crave: Travel/Human closeness/talking!
I search: For that very very visible quality in people that allows you to bond... the shining!
I wonder: Does life ever stop feeling like it's just continuously stretching from childhood..and start to feel like discrete separate pieces?
I regret: Things I didn't do. Not saying "I love you" when I could/should have. Not taking the baton when I should have. Still thinking about another person's comfort when infact it was probably my own comfort in not steering through rough waters.
I love: Quite insanely. Possessively. Obsessively. ... though it seems like it might've faded.
I ache: when I know there are those who don't even have enough to eat! When I realize people do not always think the same... and that really does lead to a lot of hurt so many times.
I care: naggingly. Annoyingly. intrusively even! Then I'd act all OK when I'm actually worried and paranoid... and then it'd seem like I don't give a damn. Oh its all so dumb!
I am NOT: always aware. I don't ALWAYS catch on INSTANTLY! People who know me or have known me (not completely entirely) believe I do.. n then when I don't get it.. they think I'm just pretending.
I believe: People are generally good. But life isn't always simple a flat line. And we aren't living by a predefined state-machine.
I dance: for myself.
I sing: LOUDLY! I'm not subtle.
I cry: rarely. But sometimes it's a bad thing not to.
I don't always: take breakfast!
I fight: with mum n dad. With one it's about old vs. new. With the other its about their conclusions on life vs. my experiences.
I write: not always when I'd like to. Somewhere between my mind and my fingers...the conduit goes cold.....
I win: at a bunch of logic arguments - sometimes even when I'm making it up as I go!
I lose: perspective on my own self when I overevaluate somethings.
I never: --BREAK-- I try not to say "never".
I always: breath.
I confuse: songs and singers.
I listen: To new songs, old songs, hindi songs, Japanese songs... a whole bunch of music! Music makes me happy..sad...mad...relaxed.. ,... and makes me miss certain people all the more.
I can usually be found: typing on my laptop. In the gym. At the fussball table.
I am scared: of heights!! (bet you didn't know that!) Of dying alone. Of there ever being zombies!(ok..not that..really!). Of watching loved ones go.
I need: transportation. food. talking person with me!
I am happy about: my family. My friends.
I imagine: Watching my kid/s grow (when/if i have any!)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddddddddd...................

I tag -
ReetaSkeetah
Anvita
EOTR
Sharona

so that's the Tadaahhhhhh!!

and just this morning - driving to work - this song was on the Radio: Loved it.. you should too :)

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

Ohhhh...aint it sweet!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Acid

Something welled up. Hate.

very very Acidic.

or maybe it wasn't 'hate'
but was something
and it was corrosive.

scalding.. hot... acidic.

hate.

or maybe not

don't know.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Slow dances...

The most personal... most vulnerable times...
most soft and slow and sensitive times...
the most wicked..yet innocent...
the most open... and so very... guarded.. scared times..

What all does the middle of the night feel like?
insane.

Like someone just walked in on you... or maybe should.
Or maybe shouldn't ... or maybe I'm all mixed up.

And how would you define the music? The very.. very .. patented.. middle of the night music.
The very exact music that you would just NOT want to listen to because it'll stir your already turnd-to-jelly form, and yet, you do.

It's a different world. An entirely separate universe. This is the time when you're someone else, something else.
Or maybe you are... who you are.
And the thought that's most scary is that someone just might find out!
Somehow you might just let yourself be you.. for a moment.... a night.
Somehow the darkness would be just dark enough for you to shed your act and your glamor.
Somehow you would let show.. just what everything feels like..
Just crawl under a blanket and feel all safe in the warmth.

You know what I do? I cover myself up entirely just so no one can find me.
Very silly.. very. But I can do that.. in the middle of the night.
I can do that and pretend like I'm all hidden.. all tucked away and invisible from all things and forms that might be looking for me in the darkness. Everything that's not there when the lights are on and the sun is up.
Coz if someone or something taps on my shoulder at that time, it's definitely not something I know!

You know what's scary in the middle of the night? mushy songs, and great sweet movies, and sweet talking people, and feel good books.....
they're scary..
they make you think.. dream..
it's a little strange.

I'm a little strange.

A lot actually.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Droplets

How many things make you cry?
How? What? When and Why?

Why do they? really... Why should they?
and when they do, do you really cry?
Or do you just smile and suppress..
or think it's just a silly mess.

Do you really let out and let fall? I think not.. not many..not most... not us!
But sometimes you do.. I do... we do..
us.. all.

Sometimes .. just sometimes.. sometimes.. you do embrace the silly..
the soft .. the sad.. the happy.
and sometimes you help it along.
and sometimes you do let out.. and tear up.
sometimes you do cry.

But what you do so many more times.. is laugh.
and laugh.
and laugh more.
And laugh even though it isn't quite that... isn't... what is..
I mean.. you wouldn't laugh then.. but you laugh.

weird choices there.

Labels: cry, laugh, strange, tears

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

3 Hours with me.

Sitting by myself watching episode after episode of Scrubs and almost pausing at each song that plays - well this is not bad for now you see.
How is it that they always get the right songs? And why despite having gigabytes and gigabytes of songs I still have to skip 156 of them on the playlist before I stop on one? Did these guys also play 103892 songs before they actually selected what they wanted on the show?
Listening to those is like easing back into a recliner. The one that perfectly fits and leans back. Not the one I'm NOT sitting on right now!

When you're living by yourself - sometimes it's hard to figure out if life just slowed down or really really sped up. I mean... are you sitting idle, or are you actually really really wrapped up?
So many things to do... so many things being DONE!

You know what I want to do? Pray!
Why? I don't know. I don't.. really.
But hello... maybe I will. You know, I don't really.

The whole god concept kinda throws me off. It's nice to get into it when you could really just put some intangible stuff on something .. someone.. else. You know, tap on the shoulder and say, "Hey... come on man! Hold this for a minute, let's grab a beer."
It's the MIDDLE of the week! Damn sometimes you hate the middle.
Sometimes Wednesdays can be so stupid!

Ok, you're wondering why am I still sitting here! Aren't you? Yes you are!
Here's the thing - I believe I'm onto something. I'm not just sitting here, and I'm definitely not going down.
I am making this happen. And god help me but I'll make it fly.

So now; Question it again and what does it sound like? Am I terrifically busy or just..sitting here?
Well I'm terrifically busy but I took a tea-break. I made tea, and I make TERRIFIC tea!
And I HATE you if you say I don't :oP So just be SAFE and AGREE with me here.
Yes.
Thank you.
I do.

You know what I don't understand? This fetish of the American people with yellow light. I mean, why do they have to have yellow light everywhere in the house? Why not bright white wonderful joyful TUBElights??
YES!
THAT'S what we call them people - TUBELIGHTS !!!!
I mean HELL with "flourescent" lighting. Damnit I can't even spell it right in the first go, and I only left it like that to DEMONSTRATE that I can't even spell it right the first time! But Alright - it is "fluorescent" lighting. But it's white not fluorescent folks.
Well anyway, I like white light. Lots of it too. Makes the place nice and happy.

Oh okay.. here's your cup of tea.
LIKE IT! you better :-P

Labels: busy, fluorescent, happy, tea, tubelight, work