and the page stayed blank...

I have this posting page open here since morning. It's 4:48pm now; this is the very first line...

and now it's 5:38pm
progress IS slow!

I might've caught a cold. Might've? Yes! might've!
How can I tell? Well...
just before it hits you, there's this slight tickling sensation in the nose.. a little... vapor in the throat (yes I have my own codes).. and you just know.

I'm trying to find myself.

excuse me?

excused!

huh?

Yes, I'm trying to find myself.

I have talked about the whole "cool are us" feeling while I was in school and then in college.
But did I mention that it's been a decreasing feeling?

It's a little odd that even though the "cool" factor in the fashionable sense decreases, but the smartness factor kinda increases.

The whole "cool" thing starts to change.
I used to be a kid!
How far from that AM I?

I really DO wonder so many times... does everyone think the way I do? does everyone react the way I do? does everyone act the way I do?

Do you?

I LOVE new shoes..and i DONT want to mess them up immediately!
Does that happen to you too?

It's not so much the efficiency or the effectiveness of a gadget, but the fact that it is a GADGET and that NO ONE ELSE HAS IT ...that excites me more than anything else about it.

When I bought the car I drive now.. I was BEAMING! You'd think I would've outgrown such juvenile delinquency. But doesn't everyone?

I still wanna play before I do my homework.
even though the definitions change!

I am SO a sucker for ice cream! And I'd LOVE to play the desi-pinball machine that was installed on the kulfi-waalaz cart (kulfi = desi ice-cream) and I'd STILL hope to win 1 on that even if I'm actually paying for 5 in the process :P

I got a sack of marbles from Walmart! I didn't know they sold that stuff. I found it near the checkout counter..and I just HAD to have it! I have 88 new marbles now :)

I still dream about - how cool it would be to be able to play guitar like Jimmi Hendrix and fight like Bruce Lee!!! But they're a secret wish. They're the cosy little daydreams that are now watched in the back of my mind while keeping a poker-face upfront.

Just because now I CAN keep a poker-face upfront..people mistake that for becoming a mature adult (equating it to...) who's given up such foolish stuff and now focuses on serious practical matters.

I think everyone does the same damn thing :)

I like wearing a business suit NOT coz it's what the job may demand (even if it does) but because it's COOL!
Oh well..not always though .. i agree :P

Why am I suddenly 9to5 even after all those crazy dreams and everything?
Oh interests, satisfaction, pish posh bleah.
I'm doing this right now coz I get paid :P

Yes I like my work. Yes it's fun.
It's no "aeroplane-flying" ...but then.. how interesting IS aeroplane-flying in the first place? Maybe a lot! But it's all routine one day.

My dream is not to get my dream job (what the hell IS it? Will you think less of me if I said I dont even KNOW what my dream JOB is??!). It's to do EVERYTHING!
Well...pretty much everything ;)

I WANT to DO all the things that I want to DO!

I want to fly a plane (yes) but not like a job :P
I want to travel ... but not like a chore
I want to write... but not as an assignment!
I want to play, to sing, to jump, to dance, to read, to compose, to help, to shout, to scream...

but not coz I have to do it day after day after day...
not when I dont want to
not when it's NOT the thing I want :P

My preferences change
my choices change
my points of view change..and get corrected..and then change again

I change...

Am I dormant right now?
I hope so. Because I dont feel like me right now.

knock knock Let me out!

posted by Eastmancolour @ 1:05 PM Comments: 16 links to this post